So, I've been a little busy. I hate that I haven't blogged about all the great things that have happened in my life. But the truth is...
I just haven't the time or the energy.
Well, first of course I have to introduce little
Owen Charles Sullivan.
Born June 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm,
weighing 8 pounds and 2 ounces, 20.5 inches long.
Who has become not so little in the last two months.
(Now close to 17 pounds!)
You all know that my pregnancy with Owen threw me for a loop. I was expecting a little tiny black baby girl and ended up with a big white red headed baby! But God has has given me a wonderful gift no matter the color. I am so thankful to be able to nurse a little one again. There is just nothing like it.
When I first gave birth to Owen. It was so strange. I looked at him and thought he is so precious. But....I didn't feel that immediate bond that I had felt with Liv and Parker. I'm not for sure why. It is most definitely there now and was shortly after. I actually bonded much quicker to Chad and Ian. I think this is because I had a pictures to look at every second of the day.
They were more real to me.
Owen has helped me see how calm and sweet my two wild ones can be.
Chad and Ian are wonderful big brothers.
They are so gentle.
My only complaint to them is,
"Owen has had enough kisses today."
The older two are so much help. They love him so much. They have a very special bond with him and even stronger bond with me because they were in the delivery room with me! That is a whole other post in itself.
Owen has made me realize again how blessed I am. I hear him cry and I run to him and pick him up. I simply say, "It's OK. Mama is here." But this is what I am thinking,
"Thank God I am here.
Thank God I am able to take care of you.
Thank God I have the means to keep you.
Thank God that I have the nutrition to have breast milk to feed you.
Thank God I am able to hold you and love on you."
Everyday now I think about Ian being the same age in an orphanage of over 100 kids and 1 caretaker. I can't help but cry. What happened when he cried? Nothing. I know there was no Mama there to pick him up. There was no one to lovingly tell him it was OK. There was no formula to feed him.
And poor Chad. He had a Mama to take care of him and all of a sudden he was in a "Cave", as Chad calls the orphanage, with no one to feed or love him.
How do you ever recover from that?
How do you possibly as a parent make up for that?
How do you deal with knowing your children have suffered so much?
How do you deal with knowing there are so many other children out there suffering right now?
It is all so much.
Then I see this and all I can do is Thank God that he has chosen me to a Mommy to all five of my children,
and pray that he will help me answer my questions,
that she will help me realize
her plan for me and how I will help those children.